Friday, December 25, 2009

palahniuk and dali

a savage journey to the heart of the american dream

the unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because it's only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.

the lower you fall, the higher you'll fly.


what I want is to be needed. what I need is to be indispensable to somebody. who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. somebody addicted to me. a mutual addiction.

maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.

you buy furniture. you tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. then the right set of dishes. then the perfect bed. the drapes. the rug. then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.
i want out of the labels. i don't want my whole life crammed into a single word. a story. i want to find something else, unknowable, some place to be that's not on the map. a real adventure. a sphinx. a mystery. a blank. unknown. undefined.
our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.

people are all over the world telling their one dramatic story and how their life has turned into getting over this one event. now their lives are more about the past than their future.
the best way is not to fight it, just go. don't be trying all the time to fix things. what you run from only stays with you longer. when you fight something, you only make it stronger.
when you understand that what you're telling is just a story. it isn't happening anymore. when you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be.

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